-by Ria Severance, LMFT © April, 2023
Coaching for Mediations/Collaborative Divorces
Points of Coaching for Any Negotiations:
In Mediations/Collaborative Divorces,
- We’re transparent in all financial matters . . . this is legally required in all divorce processes.
- We don’t “advocate” or “defend” as this requires us to advocate or defend against someone else. Instead we “empower” – we ensure you have a clear, respectful voice and help toincrease your negotiation skills and skills for effectively parenting/co-parenting your children in ways that buffer them from damage.
- We can’t and don’t follow the “letter of the law” at the expense of family members (not including adult children who are expected to be self-supporting), especially when members include minor children and/or dependent adults.
- We consider the wellbeing of all family members.
- We prioritize the children’s (dependent adult’s) wellbeing in ways no other models do.
- This is not a
A collaborative divorce may save clients’ money over a litigated divorce, but can still be costly from just a monetary standpoint. However, the Collaborative Divorce’s value extends far beyond the financial cost. Here are some value-additions offered to collaborative clients:
A Divorce Centered Around Shared Values.
Clients can prioritize shared values with team support. Clients make all the important decisions about their lives, while the team stays in charge of a process that prioritizes the wellbeing of all family members.
A Child/Adult-Child Inclusive Divorce.
The child specialist is neutral, and gives children, including adult children, a voice (not inappropriate choices), assesses their needs and divorce-related concerns, and provides support. The child specialist also offers critical feedback to coaches about special concerns for the parenting plan and needed parenting and co-parenting skills. Children, teens and adult children feel heard and know their … Read More
It’s the final meeting in your client’s Collaborative Divorce process. You are looking around the table and see that each client and professional appears ready to proceed. You have thoroughly prepared your client to be able to reach agreement with his spouse. Alas! Within the first half hour of this final meeting you realize that both your client and the other client are tenaciously clinging to their positions! You ask yourself how this could happen?
It’s important for everyone to become Agreement Ready.
Even experienced collaborative divorce practitioners often fail to understand how all professionals on an interdisciplinary team can assist clients, even high-conflict clients, to become Agreement Ready. At CP Cal’s Celebration XIV on Sunday, on April 28, 2019, in San Diego, trainers Bart Carey, Cathleen Collinsworth and … Read More
In speaking with a parent contemplating divorce, I always speak with the understanding that it is most likely the parents who best understand their children and what is best for themselves and the family. I assume parents are the best people to shepherd their children through life’s toughest challenges, including divorce.
Divorce is a tough time for the whole family, parents and children – of all ages. It’s a crisis like they’ve never faced before, challenging their very identity as parents, children, family and each of their places/roles/futures in and as a family. But I also know, empowered to do so, parents will do their best to meet these challenges in consideration of the best interests of their children.
For these and many other reasons, I always assure parents I am confident, with the best advice and counsel available, they will make the best decisions … Read More
By Diana L. Martinez, Family Lawyer and Mediator, Law and Mediation Office of Diana L. Martinez – Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
Ask a family member or friend who lives in California what happens to assets and debts in a divorce, and they’ll probably tell you that everything is split equally. Ask a lawyer practicing family law in California the same question, and they’ll probably tell you “community property”, that is, anything acquired during marriage that isn’t “separate property”, gets split equally between the spouses. Under California law, “separate property” is any asset or debt you acquired before you married, after your “date of separation” or at any time by gift or inheritance.
This equal split of community assets and debts is one of the most misunderstood concepts in a divorce in California. I am frequently asked why divorces are so expensive when “the law says everything is … Read More
By Jann Glasser, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Coach/Psychotherapist, and Collaborative Coach – Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
Whether or not you’ve navigated emotional stress in your life before, you are in for a whole new experience during a divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made and the process is underway, don’t be surprised to find your heart pounding and your thoughts racing as if you were driving in the Indy 500. Fear and dread can grab you the instant you get an email, text or voicemail from your attorney, accountant or spouse.
It is all happening because you are being ruled not by your everyday brain, but by your brain on divorce; easily triggered, distraught and overwhelmed. You are reacting as if you are under attack, trying to function while stressed, sad, and sleep deprived. It’s not going so well, is it?… Read More