When A Professional or Client is Adversarial/Positional . . .

-by Ria Severance, LMFT © April, 2023

Coaching for Mediations/Collaborative Divorces

Points of Coaching for Any Negotiations:

In Mediations/Collaborative Divorces,

  • We’re transparent in all financial matters . . . this is legally required in all divorce processes.
  • We don’t “advocate” or “defend” as this requires us to advocate or defend against someone else. Instead we “empower” – we ensure you have a clear, respectful voice and help toincrease your negotiation skills and skills for effectively parenting/co-parenting your children in ways that buffer them from damage.
  • We can’t and don’t follow the “letter of the law” at the expense of family members (not including adult children who are expected to be self-supporting), especially when members include minor children and/or dependent adults.
  • We consider the wellbeing of all family members.
  • We prioritize the children’s (dependent adult’s) wellbeing in ways no other models do.
  • This is not a win/lose model – you would need to litigate if that’s what you want/are committed to.
  • You can’t get adversarial and positional in ways that disregard the wellbeing of all family members – that’s just not going to work.
  • Not a problem if you, the client, get stuck or positional, we’ll just keep redirecting your focus to your thinking through and articulating how your proposal is actually a win-win, versus a win-lose approach . . .

[ . . . Nice way to say that mediated or collaborative divorces aren’t arenas where you’ll be supported in getting your pound of flesh at the expense of other family members.]

Validate, reflect, and redirect a rigid, positional focus to a collaborative one. e.g. “So how do you see that as a collaborative, win-win proposal?”